If i come over, it means nothing
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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