just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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