hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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