I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
