so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
