i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
