apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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