im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
