Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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