id be glad to
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
