Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
