Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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