May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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