"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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