Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
