Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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