my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
