Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
