What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
