Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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