dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
