I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
