There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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