Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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