Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
