at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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