i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
