Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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