I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Who died my cat blue again?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
