So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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