Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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