I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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