I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
whose parrot is this?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
