she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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