about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
