these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
