I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
