i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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