she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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