Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How many fucks given?
0.12846
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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