I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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