i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
