you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
