last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
