At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
