Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize