My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
