i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
