Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
