I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
