sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
