How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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