the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
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Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES