Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
