Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
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There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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