Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
