dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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