She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
love makes seman taste better
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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