singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
