I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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