hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize