At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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