She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
