Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
