Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How does one acquire holy water?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
