remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
