his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
